"Who am I to so arrogantly assume that I deserve better?"
This is the thought on my heart today. I am always looking to the future, hoping and wondering what's next, waiting for something better. But why should I assume there is anything better out there for me?? There are so many people in impossibly rotten situations, and they hope for something better too...I should just shut-up and learn to be happy with the life God has given me.
I am developing a new appreciation for the little things in life. The way my heart feels like it might burst when Ava tells me she loves me. The taste & warmth of a cup of coffee in the morning. The smell of my favorite fabric softner. The feeling of snuggling into a warm bed each night. There are so many things that I truly enjoy in my simple everyday life. And that is what it's really all about.
Sure I'd love to be a successful career woman, have crazy amounts of money and travel the world. And of course I want Prince Charming and the castle and a bunch of pretty, perfectly-behaved children. But that is never going to happen, and I'm ok with that. I may never leave Genesee County (though I will certainly try!). I may never have a career. I will never meet my Prince charming. But I will wake up every day and be happy. I will slow down and appreciate the "sweet nothings" that light up my life. I will do my best to better serve the Lord, to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better mother, a better person.
At some point you grow up and realize that life is really just about surviving and making the best of the life you've been given. God has a plan for me, for you, for everyone. I have finally fully surrendered to the fact that I am not actually in control, God is. If I am meant for bigger and better things I know He will lead me along that path, but right now I feel like He is whispering to me something a friend recently told me... "Bloom where you are planted, love"
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Thankful
I have been sick for the past two weeks, so I didn't get to follow through with posting something I was thankful for every day leading up to Thanksgiving. I actually spent most of Thanksgiving Day in bed, which was a blessing in it's self!
As I reflect back to Thanksgiving a year ago, I honestly can't even remember it. My life was in ruin and I was living in a permanent fog of confusion. By the grace of God I can finally say that I have broke through that fog which consumed my life for the past 16 months. I am seeing and thinking clearly for the first time in a long time and it feels pretty good. A side-effect of that has been the reality of all that's happened during the fog. It's almost like a whole new heart-break sometimes. BUT again, by the grace of God I am able to get out of bed (most days) and be the best mom I can be for Ava and truly enjoy the little things in life.
Through the direct mistakes of others and also a few colossal mistakes of my own, I have grown and matured so much. I have a better understanding of God and His perfect timing. Most importantly I have learned that the world does not in fact revolve around me. Shocking, I know. I really GET the concepts of 'don't sweat the small stuff' and 'find joy in everyday'. I feel like my heart & mind have matured and I can see the BIG PICTURE. It's such a liberating feeling to be free from the bonds of small-mindedness. This Thanksgiving I am able to smile and say that I am truly thankful for many things, but the thing I am most thankful for this year is the Grace and Love and Guidance of God!
“But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”
1 Peter 5:10
As I reflect back to Thanksgiving a year ago, I honestly can't even remember it. My life was in ruin and I was living in a permanent fog of confusion. By the grace of God I can finally say that I have broke through that fog which consumed my life for the past 16 months. I am seeing and thinking clearly for the first time in a long time and it feels pretty good. A side-effect of that has been the reality of all that's happened during the fog. It's almost like a whole new heart-break sometimes. BUT again, by the grace of God I am able to get out of bed (most days) and be the best mom I can be for Ava and truly enjoy the little things in life.
Through the direct mistakes of others and also a few colossal mistakes of my own, I have grown and matured so much. I have a better understanding of God and His perfect timing. Most importantly I have learned that the world does not in fact revolve around me. Shocking, I know. I really GET the concepts of 'don't sweat the small stuff' and 'find joy in everyday'. I feel like my heart & mind have matured and I can see the BIG PICTURE. It's such a liberating feeling to be free from the bonds of small-mindedness. This Thanksgiving I am able to smile and say that I am truly thankful for many things, but the thing I am most thankful for this year is the Grace and Love and Guidance of God!
“But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”
1 Peter 5:10
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Thanksgiving Countdown
So Thanksgiving is one week from today! For the next week I'll post some things I am thankful for each day.
Today 11/17/11 I am thankful for my precious, beautiful, smart, funny, energetic, silly, sweet, fiesty, sassy & loving daughter. Today is her birthday and I can not believe she is 4 already!! The time really does fly. She is growing into a wonderful young lady...for the most part ;)
Today 11/17/11 I am thankful for my precious, beautiful, smart, funny, energetic, silly, sweet, fiesty, sassy & loving daughter. Today is her birthday and I can not believe she is 4 already!! The time really does fly. She is growing into a wonderful young lady...for the most part ;)
Friday, September 30, 2011
Dental Detrement
I used to keep such good care of my teeth...brush 2-3 times everyday, use only the best toothpaste, brush in tiny circles, go to the dentist diligently every 6 months...but apparently none of that matters if you DON'T FLOSS! Wow...who knew that flossing was actually necessary?! My parents did. I sure didn't think they had a clue what they were talking about though. But now that I am older, wiser & have a whopping 13 cavities (!!!) I am pretty sure they knew exactly what they were talking about!
A few weeks ago I went in to discuss a "plan" for my dental work. I totally felt like an idiot when they informed me it's going to take a total of 5 appointments and $4000 to fix everything :(
I am making head way going about every 3 weeks, so I should be done in late November. You may wonder why I am sharing this embarrassing info...1) I'm not above some deserved self-deprecation, 2) Let it be a word to the wise: kids, listen to your parents when they tell you to floss! and eat your peas! and to stop making that face before it sticks that way!
The toothless look is not quite this cute on a grown woman!
A few weeks ago I went in to discuss a "plan" for my dental work. I totally felt like an idiot when they informed me it's going to take a total of 5 appointments and $4000 to fix everything :(
I am making head way going about every 3 weeks, so I should be done in late November. You may wonder why I am sharing this embarrassing info...1) I'm not above some deserved self-deprecation, 2) Let it be a word to the wise: kids, listen to your parents when they tell you to floss! and eat your peas! and to stop making that face before it sticks that way!
The toothless look is not quite this cute on a grown woman!
If...#2
"IF life had a rewind button, would you use it?"
Oh this is a funny one! I would love to have the ability to go back and change some things, but probably if I really had the chance I wouldn't do it. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so all the trials & struggles are just God's handiwork...His test of my faith or strengthening me in His way. There are a few things that I have done that I feel guilty about, but guilt is a major tool of satan and I try not to dwell on those instances and instead learn from them and realize how my actions/words/etc. impact others and God. Now if only life had a pause button.....
"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:15
Oh this is a funny one! I would love to have the ability to go back and change some things, but probably if I really had the chance I wouldn't do it. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so all the trials & struggles are just God's handiwork...His test of my faith or strengthening me in His way. There are a few things that I have done that I feel guilty about, but guilt is a major tool of satan and I try not to dwell on those instances and instead learn from them and realize how my actions/words/etc. impact others and God. Now if only life had a pause button.....
"See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:15
Monday, September 26, 2011
If...#1
IF you had to name the best live musical performance you have ever attended, which would you pick?
I would have to say...Keith Urban. He puts on an incredible show. He can play guitar like nobody's business, let me tell you! Honestly I feel like I am at a rock concert rather than a country concert each time I go.
A close second would be the Glee live tour...that was just pure child-like fun!!
I would have to say...Keith Urban. He puts on an incredible show. He can play guitar like nobody's business, let me tell you! Honestly I feel like I am at a rock concert rather than a country concert each time I go.
A close second would be the Glee live tour...that was just pure child-like fun!!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Fat not Phat
So I hopped on the scale today just for the heck of it and I was shocked by the number I saw!! I am heavier than I have ever been (not including pregnancy) and I'm NOT HAPPY about it!
I was maintaning at about 135lbs for quite a while now and I was ok with that. I was like a size 8, sometimes able to fit a 6. It wasn't where I would like to be, but I still felt good about myself.
Now I am abot 147lbs and a sixe 10 or higher. It Sucks! I feel awful about myself, none of my clothes fit, it's driving me crazy. I think a lot of it is due to the Lupron injections that put me into "faux" menopause. That combined with my love of food and inclination to be lazy....I am doomed!! :(
I was maintaning at about 135lbs for quite a while now and I was ok with that. I was like a size 8, sometimes able to fit a 6. It wasn't where I would like to be, but I still felt good about myself.
Now I am abot 147lbs and a sixe 10 or higher. It Sucks! I feel awful about myself, none of my clothes fit, it's driving me crazy. I think a lot of it is due to the Lupron injections that put me into "faux" menopause. That combined with my love of food and inclination to be lazy....I am doomed!! :(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)