Ramblings of a Broken Heart Part 1

For some reason I am having an really bad night tonight, not sure why, but it sucks. I've been crying for hours and I am so not a cryer! I am feeling very alone and unwanted. I know that is not true, there are many people who love me and I am never alone. But that's not the kind of alone and unwanted I am talking about. I have been in a serious, steady relationship with the same person since I was sixteen. I am only 26 now. That is almost half of my life, and it is my entire adult life. Because of him I was never without a friend, someone to talk to, someone to be close with, someone to be intimate with. For ten years I had that privilege of never feeling alone. Now I am alone I sometimes can't handle it. I get scared and sad. I used to pride myself on mot being the kind of woman that needs a man to feel complete, but now that there is no man in my life, I hate to admit that I do feel a little lost. I'm not saying my self worth is measured by men, it's just that I have come accustomed to having one around. How badly I want to be hugged and kissed. How badly I want to be told that I look beautiful. How badly I want to not go to bed alone every single night. I guess I kinda took all that for granted before. For that I am truly sorry, I should have appreciated those things a little more. But the past is the past and now I am here in the present feeling all alone and unwanted. I have come to realize that "true love" and all that crap does not exist. But just because something doesn't exist doesn't mean we can still want it, right? I've never been the type to get swept away by romance in a movie or book, but now I find myself crying at cheesy movies and songs and commercials. It sucks! But each time I get all weepy, I try to remind myself that stuff only exists in fantasy. In reality guys pretty much only love you as a friend or they just want to sleep with you. I know that there isn't some prince charming waiting for me out there. No one to come sweep me off my feet and ride off into the sunset. No one to fight for me. No one to love me more than anything in this world. There's no one. BUT if he is out there I pray that God will heal my heart so I can love him in return...